Berry and I had a discussion the other day. I asked her, “How would you like to be a winner for once?” She was quiet for a moment, thoughtful.
I could tell she didn’t really care that much. But I wanted us to be winners. And I knew the first step was to trailer Berry to the Miami Dolphins stadium. It just seemed like the right thing to do, and if there’s anything I know from being a non-winner in the past, it was I should always act on my first gut feeling.
We traveled to Florida. The stadium parking lot was packed, probably because they knew I was coming. This cemented in my head that this was the right decision. I tacked up in the parking lot, and made my way into the stadium, the crowd of people parting before me, like I was Moses parting the Red Sea. There was a stadium jumping course set up on the football field. Some of the players were hurling themselves over the jumps, but I knew the real reason they were set up was for my coming.
Even though Berry has only jumped about 2’9″, I knew she was completely capable of these giant jumps – jumps so big I didn’t even know what their size was. But everything else was falling into place, so I knew this would, too.
I picked up a trot. We trotted over some of the painted field lines, Berry delicately picking up her feet as though they were ground poles. I picked up a canter. We quietly breezed around the stadium for 10 minutes. As I heard the annoyed shouts of bored patrons, and a cup of soda was throw into my shoulder, I realized I was losing the crowd. It was time to do the course. We headed towards the first jump. Berry exploded over it.
Her front end lifted high above the standards. Time seemed to slow down as I reveled in the awed gasps of the crowd. Berry truly was my pegasus. I knew she had it in her.
But, then I sensed it. Her past was catching up to her – she was talented at smashing jumps down, and that’s what she was going to do. As time began moving along normally, I realized her back end hadn’t followed her up over the jumps. Her hind legs crashed into the poles, smashing the entire jump to the ground. The gasps of awe changed to gasps of horror…and then moments later, jeers.
I should have expected it, as Dolphins’ fans are known to be suspicious of the occult. But as Berry and I slowed to a walk, there came the first cry. “Witch!!” I heard someone scream. Others took up the cry. “She’s a witch!!!” The crowd became one moving force as they began shredding the stadium to start a burn pile. I took that as my cue to exit, and pushed the world’s slowest thoroughbred into the world’s slowest gallop. A golf cart easily caught up to me, it’s occupants continuing to scream, “WITCH!!”
As I went into the tunnel leading off the field, I heard the gold cart smash into the cement wall. After a moment’s pause, it exploded. One day people will learn not to load up their golf carts with explosives. But this did nothing to deter the crowd, who took this as a sign that I truly was a witch.
With no time to go to the trailer and load, we rushed across the parking lot into the nearby woods. As soon as we passed through the tree line, the sounds of the mob disappeared, and all we could hear was the sounds of birds chirping. We slowed our already slow pace to a slow walk, Berry immediately completely at ease. I decided to enjoy this jaunt through the woods which we waited for the dolphins’ fans to tucker themselves out so we could go back to the truck and trailer.
As we walked, I started noticing things that seemed a bit odd. I could hear random giggles, and rainbows kept shooting out of the woods. The sunlight beamed down and made everything glittery.
Glowing orbs kept popping up, intriguing me, and making me want to investigate. But Berry kept purposely walking on, not even noticing the light, so I decided not to press the issue.
After walking for a day and night, I decided this was a bit much. We needed to exit these woods already. How does Florida even have this much wilderness? We hadn’t even encountered a single alligator, although we did see a few tiny dragons. Sheesh. Florida!
There was a break in the woods, and I saw the first sign of human/horse life I’d seen since I entered this place. There was another rider ahead!
We walked up, but the rider wasn’t interested in talking. Since I have a short attention span, I quickly grew tired of his non-response, and we passed him by. Sad really, as he’s going to be stuck in these woods a long time if he doesn’t start moving around.
After another day of walking, we finally made it out, exiting the woods at the exact spot we had entered, at the Dolphins’ stadium parking lot, but it was now completely empty, except for my truck and trailer. Sure, it was now laying on its side, but it still looked like it was in fairly good shape. Nothing a good buff job won’t fix!
As we approached the trailer, I saw a a flutter of something attached to the broken glass of the trailer window. I approached suspiciously, but as I got closer, I saw it was an envelope and a ribbon. I opened the envelope.
Congratulations! Of all the people we’ve had here, you were the worst. Please enjoy this last place ribbon.
There was a green ribbon attached to it. I glowed with pride as I put on a jacket and also, some other ribbons I had sitting around. I set up my camera on a tripod to take a victory photo:
I was so pleased with Berry and I. We are such a team!! I used my mighty strength to flip my truck and trailer upright, and loaded up tired Berry in the trailer. I then took a look at myself. After traveling for two days through a Florida wood/swamp, I was looked pretty awful, despite being clean in the previous photo.
I find being dirty very uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to linger around the dolphin’s stadium in case they came back for revenge. The truck was a bit damaged, but I used my witch powers to get the engine in working order, and then grudgingly laid out a towel on the seat and climbed in. Time to head home, and maybe go back to hunters, where being a witch is both accepted and encouraged.
Confused? Well, you should be!